My Parents Were Right

Since losing both of my parents, I am reminded daily of the importance of their teachings and child rearing practices.

Both parents were from rural Alabama born to poorly educated parents. My mother grew up in an extremely toxic family structure whereas my father grew up in a family structure where image and appearances meant everything. I'm amazed at how they were able to successfully raise my brother and I in a family structure that had no semblance to their upbringing. 

The particular teachings that I'm reminded of today are respect, appreciation, accountability and gratitude. Many speak it but most rarely put it into practice. One of my father's biggest pet peeves was us asking others for money, things or favors without asking and consulting with him first. I never fully understood his reasoning until I became an adult. One thing my father stood on was accountability; he never wavered. We were his children and we were his responsibility. He treated my mother the same. This practice showed me how to be accountable and how to manage my own affairs as I got older. He taught me how to appreciate any effort outside of our family nuclei and to respect those who did so without being prompted. One of the cardinal mistakes I see parents making today is allowing any and everyone provide for their children. 

My godson reminded me this week that I was not his responsibility through his actions towards me for a small favor his mother asked me to do which was to pick him up from school. He followed up with a text confirming that I was 1, picking him up still and 2, to let me know his exact whereabouts as soon as school released. He literally made haste to be at the bottom on the steps immediately after school was over; he respected my time. Upon dropping him off at home, he texted me, "thank you miss kim"; he appreciated my efforts. Now this may seem very minute but trust me, this is major!

Here's the thing, he is being raised my two highly intelligent, hard working and successful adults who are financially sound. This is the game changer, they actually do the child rearing themselves, not depending on extended family or friends. This child is being shown how to live and behave accordingly and he's a teenager. 

What makes me extremely sad is the other children in my circle. The majority of these children have great parents as well but not to the extent where they have made child rearing a top priority. My experience has always been one filled with empathy and disappointment whenever I have ever shown kindness or done favors where they are concerned. I don't get the same level (or no regard) of respect or appreciation for any act of kindness or effort extended to them. I don't receive thank yous, a second glance or even a gesture of gratitude whenever I've gone out of my way to do something especially for them. And this isn't the child's fault; it's just a spoil of poor child rearing. 

I've provided car rides, given gifts, given money, invested time and resources to have children behave as if it was my duty to do so. The lack of true parenting breeds entitlement. These children were shown that it's everyone's responsibility to take care of them from an early age. So much so that they expect preferential treatment from others. I was once asked why I always give to those who have stable and thriving foundations; it's simple, they appreciate and value me and my efforts more. 

Boy were my parents right! 

Shit Do Stank

My mama died in late August of 2021. The pain of losing my only living parent left me with a feeling of abandonment. The only silver lining is my partner. He has stood ten toes down by my side stepping in to help me manage her affairs and helping to manage my brother. But 2022 has come in like a ravening wolf ready to devour and that wolf is named COVID-19. During the holiday, he and I were exposed to the virus. We ultimately contracted COVID-19. I am vaccinated; he is not. He began having symptoms first and they were harsh. He experienced fevers up to 103.8  for several days coupled with chills, muscle soreness, congestion, migraine headaches and diarrhea. I experienced mild diarrhea,  head and chest congestion and headaches. The fever I had was low grade and didn’t last past a couple of days. After seemingly to progress, he took a turn for the worse this week. He went from being in a good mood and even cooking and laughing to barely breathing in a 24-hour time span. I panicked; we panicked! He exhibited symptoms of walking pneumonia that I recall having some 10 years ago. To the ER we went. Our biggest fear came to fruition, COVID pneumonia with a blood clot in his right lung. I nearly fell apart as I sat waiting in the ER waiting room. I was not prepared to hear that his condition had reached this level of severity. I had to box up any feelings of doubt, fear or panic so I could encourage him and help to usher in his healing. This is what COVID does, it makes you dive deep to find an inner strength from our Creator or it makes you succumb to its pressure.

The ER waiting room was like a scene from a horror movie. Nearly every 15 minutes, the ambulance arrived with patients with COVID critical symptoms – all unvaccinated persons. They range from young to old, from all ethnicities. And the walk-ins, were like a non-stop revolving door. What hurt to witness the most were the elderly who were dropped off to fend for themselves. Many did not have vision to see the paperwork to complete or were too weak to write. Many were hard of hearing and could not hear their names called. I immediately started assisting even though I am still COVID positive; I could not sit by and just watch. I watched the medical professionals work as swiftly and with such patience and poise with the non-stop emergency patients arriving. They are to be applauded. I have PTSD from what I witnessed Tuesday night. To add insult to injury, I have a 23-year old cousin on a ventilator and now dialysis as he battles COVID. His mother, my closest first cousin, can’t even visit or have a conversation with her oldest child. She calls simply so he can hear her voice, yet she continues to work and manage her household while trying to maintain her own mental health and sanity. I can only imagine the pressure and stress she battles daily.

I live in a state of constant commune with God. And when I am in this zone, God alone sustains me. I don’t hunger nor thirst; I simply act on the instructions of the divine. I do as I am instructed. It reminds me of my favorite Bible passage on obedience – John, chapter 2, where Mary, the mother of Christ tells his servants to do whatever He tells them to do. And when they DO as they are instructed without regard, a miracle occurs. We have to be obedient if we want the miracles; obedience is the key.

Today, too many have yielded to the call of the world. We argue about the science of modern medicine and the complexities of the human body. I encourage everyone not to be conformed to your own mind. What you believe to be water is wine in the making. Let the Spirit of God be your guide in ALL things but especially regarding the vaccine for SARS-COV-2.

Many of us are hell bent on seeing if shit stanks; trust me, it does!