Changing Your Landscape

For the past few years, I've suffered more than my fair share of job losses. Being your classic overachiever and highly functioning professional, you can imagine what that did to my pysche. My self-imposed state of being was being tested. The first job loss was loud, yet deafening. My mental state was in complete mayhem, it was if my thoughts became tornadic. All of them were dark, fast and destructive. I didn't understand WHY this was happening and honestly, I didn't want to KNOW why, I just wanted everything back to normal, back to the "predictable". I wanted my "predictable" paycheck back, I wanted my "predictable" day to day schedule back, I wanted my "predictable" day offs back, basically, I wanted my familar way of living back. But something in my spirit turned on after the third job loss in three years (the old folk always did say that it comes in "threes"). Finally, two additional job losses later, I finally "hit me". A life full of familarity and predictability is like living a slow death. You will not grow in a controlled environment, you will either get worse or stay in the exact same state. When you alter/change a controlled variable, the test subject will almost always undergo some kind of change. And in life, simply taking a break from something whether it be a job, a physical location or from a person; it will never be enough to evoke change. You know that what you left is still in tact and waiting for you. But what do you do when what is left isn't waiting for you anymore? You are forced to find a new place to go or you can CREATE a new environment for yourself. Don't ever start believing that you don't have a choice as to what you want out of life. You will always be in control of where you end up. But you have to accept the fact that you can not and will not be able to do it by yourself. God will provide you with the roadmap, some gas, a vehicle, and some people along the way to get you to a better landscape or He will either place many roadblocks in your path to get you going in the right direction.



It is crucial that you become familiar with your inner voice because it tells you when you need to change your direction. If you ignore it, God will intervene and trust me, when He intervenes, he PRUNES!! And pruning hurts but it is so very necessary if you want to harvest fruit. The back to back job losses were my pruning experience. I KNEW that my life had become so mundane and stifling. The truth is, I wanted a change; I needed a change, I was too afraid to allow myself to imagine or even move into living differently because I didn’t know what the landscape would look like once I moved. I wondered, will I like it? Will it be fun? Would I have more money? Would my friends and family be there? I was finding every excuse in the world to keep from paying attention to the inner discomfort I was feeling. Instead, I filled my time up with noisy distractions to hopefully drown out the quiet voice that was telling me to “do something else”. I can tell you fear is one hellavu drug! God gave me opportunity after opportunity to get on the right track, but I kept seeking the familiar and the ritualistic day to day routine because it was comfortable. Let me tell you, comfortable don’t win no awards! You will not triumph in comfortable; you will not accomplish what you are destined for in comfort. When you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, CHANGE YOUR LANDSCAPE!   



Changing your landscape means accepting that you will be walking into unchartered territory. EVERYTHING will be new. If it’s too scary for you to think about critically but you don’t want God to start pruning; I suggest that you start making small changes. Start building your confidence by implementing small but yet strengthening activities. Start by changing your drive home, start my saying positive affirmations out loud every morning, take a bath one day instead of a shower, walk up and give a stranger $20 one day out of the blue, hell, go buy different color apparel than you’re used to! Just do some things DIFFERENTLY and I promise, you will start to SEEING a change in your life. Get used to change, embrace it, practice it and your LANDSCAPE will start to change to reflect the your seasons of life and there will be beauty and joy in it all.



Happy Travels!

Windows of opportunity

I’ve been absent from the blogging scene for a minute now so I thought it was only fitting that I come back with something profound. For the last month, I’ve been contemplating a lot, reviewing many aspects of my life whether it be the past, present or future. In a sense, I was attempting to gain some focus and direction on where the next 30 years will take me. As I recounted several instances in my past, I kept coming to different windows. When I say windows, I mean brief/short periods of time where I was able to see something great or rewarding. In its literal sense, a window is an opening; it changes the entire landscape of any room whether it is big or small, short or long. Oftentimes windows allow light to shine in or outward. There is something about a window that instinctively makes us all want to look in or out of it. I am convinced that ”something” is opportunity. Over our lifetimes, we will be blessed to come upon a window; if we are lucky we may come across tons of windows as we continue to live and grow. Today we live in a society where everything comes at us fast and in a hurry. We are taught to map out our goals and set forth strategies in order to achieve them. But what most textbooks or self help books fail to tell us is that life cannot be mapped. God interjects our day to day lives with windows, and we make the choice to look out or in those windows to see what or where it is that He wants us to go. If you stop and think about people, places or things that could have had a life changing effect, I am sure you are also able to recognize that window where you had to make a decision to do something, but you failed to. Unfortunately I am sad to admit that a lot of those windows I have been permitted to come across have been passed because I was too focused on a path and goals I had set rather than looking at what He wanted me to see. Opportunity rarely knocks twice, so when you see window, stop and look. When you look, look good! Then pray for what vision it is that God wants you to see while you look. If we did this every time someone or something new crosses our paths, we would probably be much more productive and happy people.

The Jena 6

I’ve been hesitantly following the Jena 6 case for a few months now because I feared it would stir an array of extreme emotions within my own psyche. This particular case made me sit and think about my childhood school days (for I was educated in a small Alabama town) and how I would react if this would have happened in 1995 at my school. There was an obvious racial divide throughout my all my schools ranging from kindergarten to me being a senior. It’s as if we are still in the mindset of separate but equal mindset when it comes to race. But in case of the Jena High School, the racial mix is about 85/15, with the predominate being white students. The infamous noose hanging from the “prep” tree is what apparently incited the violence which led to the gang beating of one particular white student who did not end up seriously injured, but yet attempted murder charges were filed against all but one of the black teens arrested for the assault. Now back when I was in Jr. High School, we almost had a race war. There were black and white students fighting everyday at the bus drop off and pick up behind the school almost everyday. It began to escalate quickly with students bringing brass knuckles and even guns to school. Because I’ve always been a hothead when it came to racial discrimination, my father sat me and my brother down and flat out told us that if we were involved in any fighting or got found with any possession of guns or weapons that our ass would be grass when he found out. And I personally would much rather be called a punk at school for not participating than dealing with my daddy if I did! I told that story because, I feel strongly that parental guidance could have prevented this entire situation. It is sad that no one took these boys to the side and told them the truth about violence and how to handle racial tensions. I am also upset with the school system for not holding a school wide counseling session on racial tension and diffusing it, I would like to know the school guidance counselor stance on this situation and see what he/she had to say, because they have failed their students and their community. I am disgusted as I see JJ and AS out in front leading what they call a 21st century civil rights movement, this is such propaganda!! I also see where the parents are petitioning the public for money to help in their legal costs. Now if JJ and AS are as powerful as they say they are, why haven’t they asked some of their very prominent lawyer friends to come and try the cases pro bono? Oh my bad that would be too much like right… I just don’t believe that these two are concerned about “racial equality”. I will say this in closing, violence is never a solution to any situation, especially with teens, but the charge of attempted murder was too harsh regardless of race. I pray that the harsh lesson is learned by all parties involved, and that is that more times that not, life is not fair.

Defining Moments

While I was in Chicago last week, a total stranger asked me how I would define myself to a complete stranger. I had to think about that for a second, I did not answer it as he had hoped, and instead I asked him how he perceives me considering that I am a complete stranger. He chuckled and said, oh boy, you are a thinker! And right he is! But sometimes I have the tendency to over think things. Our conversation pretty much ended with that (I don’t like talking to strangers too tough). After that brief encounter, I started thinking about the defining moments in my life, then I and some co-workers began to discuss some of our own experiences with each other. A defining moment is the moment you understand what your true character is. I only have a couple, but I will tell you the first one I had (I have experienced the most profound one to date already, but it is too personal to put in a blog). When I was 10 years old, I decided that I wanted to be a member of the 9 & 10 year old girls’ basketball team. My brother played all sports so I wanted to participate in something bigger than myself, and what better way than to try out for the team. Anyone who knows me for real knows that I am NOT athletically inclined, but at 10 years old, I thought could really play!! I will never forget trying out and actually making the team and getting the infamous #11 I wanted (just like my brother)! My dad took and attended every Saturday practice I ever had and went to every one of my games. I only got to play in one game partially because I refused to go back in after one game where this really big girl fouled me and made me break a nail. Nevertheless, our team won the local championships and I got a trophy. I ran home with it, so excited to show my daddy and when I showed him he said, “I didn’t know they gave trophies to benchwarmers?!” At that moment, I was CRUSHED, it was the first time I ever felt incompetent. I loss all desire to play any sport in that one moment and at the same time, I vowed to never feel incompetent again. With just one statement from my daddy, the tenacious, never fail attitude I have, was borne, I was changed forever. Sometimes, people will have moments in which we discover who we are and what we are capable of and some will go through life with none wandering aimless through life never knowing who they are or what makes them tick. How many of you can actually pinpoint moments in your life in which your whole world changed and you defined who you are or wanted to be?

Casting the first stone

I know I have been blogging a lot lately, but this is MY blog and I’ll blog if I want to J ! But for the last time (I promise), Michael Vick is the topic of discussion. Because I was at work today, I was unable to view his public statement live until now. He looked extremely sad and it is obvious that he is not a public speaker, but nevertheless, he stood like a man and apologized and pointed no fingers at anyone and for that, he deserves some credit. I will admit that I laughed when he said he found Jesus in all of this. Now I am not perfect neither is anyone else, but the reactions from the media and from the general public has me a little dismayed at this point. How can anyone really point any fingers at Vick? I will never condone any illegal activity regardless of who it is, even if it’s me, and I have put myself in some dangerous situations during my lifetime, but to take someone’s career away? I just don’t think it’s just. I have personally drunk too much and gotten behind the wheel of my car, and for that, I was dead ass wrong. And to me, drinking and driving has far worse consequences of raising pit bulls for illegal dog fighting. So you won’t see me adamantly going off about Vick and saying that he needs to lose everything he has based on an error in judgment. A lot of people are saying that he should be an upstanding role model because he is a public figure and plays in the NFL making millions, but I say; take a closer look at NFL players over time. The NFL is full of convicted felons, rapists and thieves! If you ask me how I rank the slew of felonies, dog fighting will be at the very end of the list. How can the public be so harsh towards a stellar athlete with a clean criminal record at such a tender age of 27? It is as if we are walking among saints! And we all know that is not true. But I am quite disgusted with this entire situation and dwelling on it only makes me feel worse, so I am going to “let it go” for there is nothing I can do to make things better besides pray. I will end with this centuries old saying straight from the Good Book, and it goes a little something like this: He without sin…………

Nigger and other words that hurt

I have been debating whether or not to voice my opinion on this issue, but after I watched Oprah's "After Imus" show, I felt as if I must. It seems like Hip Hop is now the new target for their misogonistic and derogatory lyrics, videos and artist persona. And just by watching the show, I got upset all over again. But you may be surprised as to why I am upset. In this world, there is no 100% right and no perfect people walk this great land, but by the way people point fingers, its as if we as black people are walking around here with blinders on. Once again, we are playing out the old slave mentality of going against each other as if we are the enemy. To go after recording artists in the hip hop or rap genre is ludicrous to me. Anyone with any knowledge of "da business" knows damn well the power that creative directors and industry execs have over the careers and images of those in hip hop. So to start attacking artists who aren't with being broke, is not a smart thing to do. The problem lies within the black community. The moment we allowed ourselves as a people to fulfill the stereotypes and accept certain ways of life within our homes and lives, there is where the problem began. Somewhere along the road, we as a people accepted single parent families and bringing children into the world outside of the reigns of marriage. Somewhere along the road, pursuing higher education or maintaining a job didn't become a priority. Somewhere down the road, respect and dignity for oneself became thrown by the wayside. And that my dear, is where we went wrong and the flood gates blew wide open. Somehow, the affluent black person got too busy to reach down and help their own kin or become a tool to uplift his/her own. Somehow, the struggling black person, forgot his/her worth and began to wallow in their pain and we all know misery loves company. We have to accept the responsibilty that we made it okay for the word nigger to be used widespread, and women to be referred as bitches, whores, sluts and okay for young women of color to be scantily dressed on a daily basis okay, when we know good and well its not. Damn the man or woman who says that they are not a role model. In these days, we have to be role models for adults too! Folks minds are so impressionable and some folks are trying their damnest to keep up with the "Joneses" that its not even funny. Its time to stand up and state boldy what you represent and who you are. As for me, I am a woman of faith, respect and responsibility if I am anything at all. Those are the 3 things that has catapulted me to where I am today. And its time we voice that so those around you will know how you got on the right track and stay on it. It's not some big mystery, its not a big secret. The spoken word has so much power, please learn to use it. You never know who is struggling and its so easy to get caught up in the easy fixes (sex, lies & videotapes), and those easy fixes in life lead to self destruction. We have been so busy dwelling in our hurt, that we have overlooked that we are about the only people on God's green earth that has hardly any unity, sit back and let folks make jokes about us, exploit us all over the media, and allow our youth to become products of their environments. Until the black American that pointing the finger at hip hop, start pointing the finger at him/herself, then I don't have any respect for their opinion. Start sweeping around your own front door, including your own families before you start blaming any outside influence on the degradation of black people. Just my two cents ya'll and I let it rest. Feedback is welcomed

What's the rush?

Let me begin by saying that I believe that every day is a gift and that we should be thankful for every good thing, memory or person that we have the opportunity to experience. What I do not understand is why people rush or shall I say hurry into things. I may be an alien or something, but when things feel really good to me, I immediately start pumping my brakes. I have witnessed people going full speed ahead without fully accessing the situation or relationship. I am not saying that one should not be excited or blissfully happy about someone or something, but for Christ’s sake, TAKE YOUR TIME. I know tomorrow ain’t promised to anyone but damn, some folks are betting it all without really knowing what it is or who it is that has them all warm, fuzzy & excited. I have found that for me personally, that when I go on blind faith based on emotions, I screw everything up completely and end up reflecting upon the situation with sad eyes and memories. I’ve learned that anything worth having is worth nurturing. Take your time and enjoy what it is or who it is that has you so snowed, let the feeling and excitement grow. I have a very good friend who is about to be married in less than two weeks and she and her fiancé dated for over 5 years. People were in her ear telling her to get married and to go on and start her life with him like yesterday, but instead, she followed her instinct and allowed their love to grow. And trust me, when you see them, you feel the love, its contagious! And that is the kind of love that endures all. I have another example, one of my good friends first experience the desire to become an officer at the company he loved for about 4 years ago, and he was trying to force it so hard. He was trying to strategically place himself within the eyes of those that could make it happen for him so much that he was neglecting everything else in his life. Once he settled down and focused on doing the best job that he could and allowed himself to be groomed, he got that position. Not only is he respected and trusted, he is well liked now. The minute he stopped trying to force things, they happened just like they were supposed to. So this goes out to all the people who want something or someone and find themselves anxious or ready to dive right in without thoroughly thinking about it, please sit back, relax, and be. I find that it helps when I right things down on a piece of paper to make it plain. Once I’ve identified what I want, I ask for guidance and just let it go from there, don’t force anything. Anything worth having is worth waiting for.