Monday, August 27, 2018

Fuel From My Mama

My mother called me at 6:44 this morning. It's not unusual but when she puts in an early morning call to me, something is usually weighing on her. When the calls first began years ago, I used to think to myself, "why don't she call one of her lil friends"? Like she used to tell me back in my early teen years when I wanted to talk about teen things. But as time has moved forward and the calls started to come more frequent I realized more and more her motive for the calls. Somedays she calls me just to shout the blessings of the Lord and I do mean SHOUT 😁 then there are days when the weight of her world is heavy and she has to talk it out. Either way, it requires a large part of the time with just me listening.

Early morning conversations with mama are like fuel for my soul. Her stories are mere reflections on the many complexities that we will experience in this life. Her sharing let's me know that it's okay to experience the wonders of this world; be they happy one day and sad the next. Too many times we go through life shielding others from our typical day to day emotional life and I've learned that it's not healthy or allows us to grow.

Conversations with mama are intimate and it allows us to bond and allows me to gain wisdom for the days to come.

Thursday, July 5, 2018

Stop Feeding the Monsters

We are not growing properly; plain and simple ... right? Truth is, we have either grown accustomed to pain or conformed to laziness at it's worse levels.

How many times have you sat quietly and watched destruction either before the fall or after and not move a muscle? I have...more times than I care to admit. I can think of a myriad of reasons why I sat idle ranging from -- not my business to that's what he/she gets. As I reflect, I unconsciously welcomed that type of karma into my own life. When we do nothing or say nothing, we are not only ignoring our fellow man, we are ignoring ourselves. It comes to our doors and no one speaks up for us ... there is no hero to save the day.

We are far more connected by disconnect than we know. I found my self disappointed in a co-worker last week because I found out that they passively listened to an off color remark and said nothing. I was so sure that they didn't care if people of another ethnicity was spoken so I'll of. But in the budding era of "me too", how often can I honestly say that I've sat quietly as well. Well pot meet kettle!

I'm also struggling with "being kind" after being felt used and wronged. After much burying my head in the sand, I finally faced that a guy really wasn't that into me as I had hoped, although he's been to chicken shit to come out & say it. Truth is, it makes him feel better to not own up to his wrongdoings so instead he's ignored the conversations that I've asked for clarity and continues to send funny text messages to somehow soften the BS he's served time and time again. I had realized I've been conditioned to "take the high road" and always respond in love. But I know what LOVE is and its correction. It's not this passive shit to make you feel better about your BS! I found the courage to say, thanks but no thanks and here's why and move right along. We must learn to voice our pain and wrongdoings for that matter in order to GROW wiser and better. When we turn passive and discontent to those who violate the feelings and rights of others, we are feeding the monster.

Stop feeding the monster!