Blessed Assurance

 "This is my story, this is my song ..." Ah! I have heard this hymn all during my childhood and as I age I fully embrace the lyrics more and more. Some people go a lifetime not realizing their purpose but for me, I know my purpose is storytelling, yet I rarely walk in it and I honestly don't give it the priority that it needs. Earlier this week, a friend of mine, with whom I nearly do daily routine silly exchanges on Microsoft Teams, challenged me to get back to doing things that empower me that is not work-related. I wanted to reach through my PC and slap Belen but I knew she was right. It's funny how the Creator dispatches his angels to bring you back full circle to the very thing that you so passionately run from. Truth is, I have so much to say but I'm tired. I'm tired of trying to share with others who are so rigid that they can't see a different point of view that differs from their own. It's becoming evident that we are living in a bubble. A safe bubble where nothing really matters besides our wants and needs. We have lost our sense of community; hell, I've lost my sense of community! There is a part of my story that leans towards my culture and heritage. Right now, the news media has a no holds barred approach when displaying acts of brutality against people of color that causes discomfort and reinforces past violence. It causes discomfort in my day to day life and my work life as well. I don't work with people who predominately look like me nor understand the history of people who look like me. So basically, it's business as usual. My mental health has been battered and bruised during the era of COVID.  I find myself being pulled and prodded in so many different directions to a point where its unhealthy and has increased my anxiety. So much so that I have retreated to the safety of my own home. The only person I allow in my bubble has been Chris (my boo). Even though I have a heightened sense of uneasiness,  I also am confronted with the real issue...walking in purpose; storytelling.

I hear the universe loud and clear and I'm officially opening my prayers and life to walking into it. Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!

Forgot About Kim

I've had a real shitty week, period. One of the things I battle the most in this life is coming in last when I've always held the lead in the race. Let me explain ... I tend to give effort, A LOT of it; whether the task is work related or personal, one thing for sure, Kim is coming through surpassing expectations. It's just who I am, a part of my brand per se. It's not something that I want to change or something I want a hand clap for; all I want is credit when credit is due. This week has served me up a warm, stinky plate of shit when I have secured all the ingredients of a 5-star meal. The bait and switch was the fact that all that securing wasn't for me to enjoy the delicious meal, yet it was for me to relieve and wipe the shit after someone else has enjoyed the fruits of my effort. All I got was the after effect and as you can see, the after affects of a great meal is a good healthy shit.

As much as I have prayed and processed this feeling yet again, all I really wanted was some moral, empathetic support from my loved ones. Now don't get me wrong, I have a few great friends who came through with support, from blueberry wine and blackberry scrub to a humid night in the pool with laughter. I appreciated it greatly but my human nature craved for the support of those closest to me. Which ended up in epic failure. The support I sought was given a backseat to their own priorities. Whether it was baking a cake or working on a car, Kim got put to the back of the bus. Now these are the very ones who get the optimum effort from me whenever they have any kind of issue that requires support whether it be financial, emotional, or support requiring me to act; I'm typically on it before they can even ask. But look what I got ... dismissed quickly and made an after thought.

The latter half of 2020, I'm going to focus and direct my energies on myself. I have wasted too much time and effort on solving others problems instead of understanding why I forget about mine so unhesistantly to a point where it's unhealthy. You see, the shit I have been served has been subconsciously conjured up by none other than Kim.

Oh dear Kim, oh have I forgotten all about you!
Now it's time for me to look in the mirror and say, "o sis, you're my boo"!